The Power of Praise
Written by Sonia Bajaj, LPC
Anyone who has spent time with children is likely aware that they require a significant amount of attention. Bids for attention can range from crying, to “look at me, mommy!”s, to asking questions in a seemingly endless series. When these attempts are not met with their intended consequence, the bids may become louder or aggressive. In other words, if a child is not able to receive the attention they seek, they may begin resorting to shouting, hitting, or other undesired behaviors. In the eyes of a child, negative attention is preferable to none.
As much as possible, we want to encourage children by providing attention as much as possible. Praise is one way to increase the likelihood that a child will continue engaging with peers and adults in a respectful manner. Praise is also simply a wonderful way to connect and build a healthy relationship. Here are a few examples of ways in which you can implement more praise in the relationship with your child.
You can start to notice the little things. Offer praise or thanks for desirable behaviors, even if they engage in that behavior on a regular basis. For example, “thank you for finishing your vegetables!” or “I like how you kept your hands to yourself on the playground.”
You can acknowledge attempts, even if they don’t yield the desired result. This can increase their motivation to keep trying. For example, “that was a great try!” or “I noticed how focused you were!”
You can set healthy expectations and acknowledge your child’s accomplishments. If at first they don’t succeed, the child should feel confident knowing they have your support in the future. For example, though a child may not be able to keep from having accidents all day, they are able to use the toilet more often than they could previously. Try saying, “You are doing a great job at using the toilet more every day!”
Consistent and positive attention can foster healthy self-esteem in children, while also reminding them that they don’t need to resort to undesirable behaviors for attention. If we are able to provide focused attention, even for brief moments throughout the day, the positive reinforcement can promote prosocial behavior, healthy attachment, and foster a regulated nervous system within children.
If you are interested in sowing the seeds for healthy attachment dynamics in your family, Feeling and Healing Therapy is excited to support you!