Actions of Anger

Written by Ashley Grob, LCSW

Anger has a bad reputation and I want to change that.  Anger is a normal emotion, it is a part of being human.  Anger is not bad.  Anger is not wrong to feel.  So why do we think so negatively about it?  This is because we associate anger with the actions and reactions that often come with this feeling.  

Anger is often an overarching feeling that can mask many complicated feelings such as betrayal, disrespect, rejection, regret, feeling undervalued, etc.  These feelings are much more complex and can often carry negative baggage with them.  We tend to feel angry when these more complex feelings arise.  Anger is almost an easier emotion to describe, emote and generally feel.  We hear people describe their anger in general terms such as “I was so mad” or “I was seeing red” and we instantly know how the person was feeling because we have all been there.  Yet, it takes real vulnerability to say I am feeling rejected.  I am feeling disrespected.  I am feeling regretful.  This is where the actions of anger become easier.  

We all could describe the visual actions of anger such as raised voice, harsh tone, cruel words and potentially even violent behavior.  There are internal and visceral signs of anger that we cannot ignore either.  These may look like: increased heart rate, tight jaw and muscles, sweating, face becoming flushed and shortness of breath.  These are the signs of anger, but they are not the actions.  The actions are the negative reactions we have to anger.  The way to combat these actions is to recognize the first signs, identify your internal and visceral signs of anger and do not react to them.  This does not mean do not feel or express your anger.  It simply means act, do not react.  

If you are struggling with your anger and are having a difficult time not reacting, reach out to one of our therapist’s at Feeling and Healing Therapy and let us help you.  Together we can work on identifying your first signs of anger, recognizing your vulnerable feelings, build healthy coping skills, and begin to process the hurt and pain that you are feeling.  Anger is not bad.  Anger is not wrong to feel.  Let’s begin to feel and heal.